THE DARK SIDE OF CUSTOMER SERVICE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT
Everybody wants to feel seen, you and me included.
Being acknowledged when you walk into a restaurant. Having your food preferences remembered. Receiving your orders fast.
Nobody likes feeling ignored or brushed aside, we understand that too.
But hospitality has another side people rarely talk about - and I’m writing for the people behind the bar, the kitchen and other workers you may not see.
In F&B, the exhaustion is physical, mental and emotional. Our body aches from standing and rushing 10 to 12 hours a day while the mind stays permanently switched on: remembering orders, watching tables, managing timing, solving problems before they become visible. Struggling with personal hardships, feeling stress or pain? Suppress suppress! - there’s no room for any to surface here.
For customers expect an un-interrupted stream of warm, cheerful, attentive and fast service - no fault of anyone because that’s how we are wired.
Which feels ironic. We've never talked more about kindness, empathy and mental well-being today than ever. Yet, the forebearance towards a less-than-cheerful F&B worker are often so thin.
Also. Tone is subjective, so are facial expressions. One customer may walk away thinking a staff member was rude or cold; another may have the exact same interaction and think nothing of it. Sometimes it’s attitude. Sometimes it’s projection. Sometimes it’s simply two people catching each other at the wrong moment.
We recently received a 1-star Google review that left us sitting with some uncomfortable questions.
Do we fire someone over a bad interaction?
Do we take personal crises, which takes time to resolve, into account?
At what point does maintaining a 5-star service standard outweigh being humane? If there's a chance another bad review might follow, do we prioritise the business — or the person?
Of course there are lines that should never be crossed. Disrespect, aggression, discrimination — none of that belongs in hospitality and elsewhere. But outside those clear-cut situations sits a very grey area. Service today often expects people to be endlessly pleasant, positive and switched on no matter what’s happening behind the scenes.
Perhaps that's what sits uncomfortably with us. We live in a culture that increasingly champions compassion, grace and mental well-being. Yet when someone disappoints us in a restaurant, our first instinct is often to reach for a public platform rather than a private conversation.
The issue isn't criticism. Businesses need criticism.
The question is whether every criticism needs an audience.
No neat conclusions here. Just one of many heavy things we think about after closing for the night.
And on a funny note, imagine if Google sets up a review platform where F&B operators get to review customers!
